Recently I was interviewed in a radio. In between the ads, he confessed that he just broke up from a 6 year relationship and asked me if there might be a suitable man for him. I asked myself “WHY?”. Then I tried to understand all these gay guys in this country. And it convinced me more that I can’t have a relationship with a local guy. But of course this is really generalizing. There’s always a gem in a stack of hay.

I guess in this very instant period of life, guys are just looking for someone to be with. They are too afraid to be alone, whoever happens passing in front of the eyes is snatched and chained to a love boat situation without really analyzing if they are really in love or it is more an illusion of love. They spend so much time, energy and material thing to make the relationship works. I just find this very irritating. How can i be not irritated? Minute 1: eyes met. Minute 2: introduction and exchanging numbers. The next hour or more: The world is forgotten. An intense conversation pursued. Whether it will end in a bed of lust or not, a relationship is claimed the next day. And boom! They now declare each other as boyfriends. I’m having a heart attack for sure.

This is the era where the line between the pink and the blue guys are blurred by some victimized fashion excuse. Even the language of gay people has been popularized by many public figures like film stars and TV hosts. There is almost no more space to communicate in a secret language. Then, the gay guys are now so confused and frustrated. This is the times where wearing tight T-Shirts doesn’t mean anything anymore. An earring on your right ear has also become a fashion for macho heterosexual guys. Putting a colourful handkerchief on your back pocket is no longer in use. Darling, who needs a handkerchief nowadays? That is so passé. Handkerchief is only used by those boring guys in suits and ties. A ring on the little finger is a common accessory. That designer’s stubble as facial hair of George Michael has been copied by the sexy singer Craig David. Highlighted hair colours or spiky are so in demand by any trendy men in the beauty salon.

So, what’s left to sharpen your gaydar in order not to hit the wrong guys?

Well, there are still some obvious yet subtle hints that the gay guys usually air their pink auras to other fellows. Here are 10 clues for the clueless ones:

1. The look in the eyes
This is the most trusted way in recognizing your kind. If you’ve been “out and about” in town for several years and cruising in every single corner of the city, you would know most of the time who is “yes” and who is “no” just by looking into his eyes. This, of course, is only applicable as long as you are not the type who thinks everybody is gay. This is only applied to gay men. Women won’t be able to do this test.

2. Menthol Ciggies
Aha! This is the new trend. 95% of the menthol ciggies smokers are gay. The most fave one is Marlboro followed closely by Dunhill and Lucky Strike. But if he doesn’t smoke then find other clues below.

3. Shouting neon head-turner colours
Just look closely. Maybe he has a shocking pink bracelet? An electric green bag? Bright neon blue socks? If you pass by a guy and there’s a colour shouting back at you then you have the right to suspect if he is gay.

4. Big bags
These days many queens bring an enormous bag. From a spare T-Shirt, undies, socks and some basic toiletries in hoping that they might spend the night somewhere else, or even two nights, or a week or a meaningful long-term relationship in the end. A weekend trip to Bandung or even worse to Bali, the guys will bring the whole 3 ensemble piece of Louis Vuitton enough for two months stay.

5. Gay Anthems
Watch the guys on the dance floor! When a number from Beyonce, Britney, Kylie or Madonna invading the ears, The gay guys will suddenly transform into some pro lip-sync or move their bodies like a cheap erotic dancer. In the past, it would be Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive or ABBA’s Dancing Queen. If they are not dancing then maybe follow the next clue.

6. Erecting little finger
Guys who do things with their little finger erected all the time are undoubtably gay. Especially while holding a glass and drinking.

7. Adidas, Nike or D& G swimming trunk
For the gym bunnies and swimming lovers, it’s the chance for the gay guys to show off with big letters shouting out the brands and the colours.

8. Women’s cosmetics
This is a difficult one. But if you have a chance to sneak into his room or his bathroom, search for moisturizing cream. Maybe they have Clinique, Ponds, or L’Oreal.

9.  Lip Gloss
Shining lips in a humid tropical country? Yeah, right! He must be!

10. Narcissistic pics in Friendster or Facebook profile
The new hobby of gay guys is to put some self-taken pics flashing some skin then publish them in their Friendster or Facebook profiles. The discreet ones would put some pics with lots and lots of friends doing silly faces and things. If they have more than 30 applications and including these erotic tests or quizzes, it’s time for you to send them a message and request to be added into their friend’s list.

Every hangout place you go, you’ll be asked by the hostess whether you want to be seated in the smoking or non smoking section. And usually they will say the word “smoking” first then “non smoking”. It seems like everybody is still adapting to the new healthier environment.

I can be considered a heavy smoker. Most friends said I’m such a bad influence. I light up a ciggie anytime of the day. From waking up to going to sleep. If I can smoke while sleeping then I would have done it too, I guess.

With my reputation high up as a smoker, people thinks I would suffer from long haul flights or dying in a non-smoking environment. As a matter of fact, I’m doing well actually. I didn’t crave for any nicotines when I’m on a plane. But when I know if there is a smoking space and I could sneak out for a puff or two, then for sure you will find me there every other second.

Long time fellow smokers of mine had quit. Then they sound more like a preacher to me in the end. They forgot that they used to smoke loads too. Still, I can understand what they are trying to say.

All respect I do have for non-smokers. I feel more of another kind of minority again. The smokers community has been shrinking and i think that’s good. But I think some establishment should also understand and give a bit of a space to smokers.

In an ordinary situation, the ugly chicken and the innocent giraffe would have never crossed paths. But as the modern technology succeeded to create a marvelous virtual thing called internet, then the two could meet up. It took some months before they finally met. As both of them are often too busy with work or happened to be out of town. First encounter, nothing happened. Funnily, both parties thought that the other party is not interested. After a few polite Short Message Services, a second chance was granted.

The second encounter went smoothly. Some secrets revealed. One knows the other one by his work and the other one apparently has a partner already whom the other one happen to know. Still, it went on. The frequency of courting became more intense from pure pleasure to blossom to the next level. Some situations with the partner moved to another city paved the way even smoother than the toll road.

The pleasure motivation has slightly fading into a more serious phase. But both parties are reluctant to give a name to their relationship. It’s definitely like a marriage life without burden and commitments. Free as a bird. The chicken needs no assurance to possess the giraffe (not exclusively, though) while the giraffe is happy to tag along with the chicken’s romance game. Some trips had been executed to some exotic spots in the world.

The giraffe needed more space and decided that a crisis is ongoing inside of him. So the chicken had to find many possible reasons to visit the giraffe in his new city. It was another perfect circumstances. Until one cold winter day, the chicken came with full of another high expectation after a long while separation. The giraffe said that it was over. The giraffe is moving again to another city. The giraffe is seeing another complicated chicken. The chicken was devastated. The chicken thought that the giraffe might have another crisis and it will be over soon but it’s not. So it was a final call. The chicken has to go out of sight for good.

You can't force people to love. When it's over, it's over. The chicken has to move on. It's not going to be easy but it's a lot better than waiting for an unlimited time of uncertainty.

Adieu, Mon Grand!

It’s winter. It’s cold. It gets dark quickly. People shut the doors and windows and their hearts. Yet, I keep knocking and hoping there might be one opened. I’m freezing my balls off. Once again I surrender to the free trips to get away from Jakarta. The grass is always greener on the neighbour’s lawn. I keep telling myself that I will never go to the winterland anymore and once again the heart beats the brain. The cock is longing for another cock. The eyes are longing for a different visual pleasure. The tongue is longing for another taste. And somehow the excitement has ceased in the skeptical set of mind.

Guys are always single in the summer. In autumn guys are courting and on the look for a potential other half. Guys are cuddling in long cold winter nights. Gym is the most regular place to visit in springtime to work out on the shape of bodies to be ready to be shown off in the summer. Relationship becomes secondary. People are naturally selfish and in winter selfishness is showing off its true colour. No time for friends. It’s completely understandable in a way and I might do the same. Still I’m complaining.

61 kg, kebab overdosed, cheap lousy asian food, and loads of cigarettes. You looked at my profile on a website. I wrote a message to you. It led to sms exchanges for 2 days before you agreed to meet up. You offered wine and show what you do for living to break the ice. I held your hands. It’s pure affection. You have this very sexy shape and in a blink of a second, I wanted more and the next second I scowled myself to be so vulnerable. It might be winter outside but it’s summer in my body for the rest of the night. No more sms.